Growing up homeless:

Children, teens suffer unique emotional toll


DOVER , New Hampshire— The Watson children don't want to be angry, but sometimes they are. 

They understand why their parents can't give them the new popular toy or shirt, but sometimes it still hurts. 

They wish they could tell the truth when friends ask why they can't have a sleepover. But they lie. Revealing to the wrong person that they have been homeless for six months could be social suicide.

Lewis and Yvonne, who are in middle school, and Marie, who is in elementary school, are siblings and part of a growing population of homeless schoolchildren who are forced to grapple with the psychological and social effects of homelessness at a time when they are already struggling to wade their way through adolescence. Their names have been changed to protect their identity. 

According to a report by the National Child Traumatic Stress Network, half of school-age homeless children experience anxiety, depression or withdrawal, compared to 18 percent of other children. They have three times the rate of emotional and behavioral problems of nonhomeless children, and more than one-fifth of homeless preschoolers have emotional problems serious enough to require professional care. Fewer than one-third receive any treatment. 

By the time homeless children are 8, one in three has a major mental disorder, the organization says. 

"The word I hear a lot of times from people who are homeless is they feel invisible," said Keith Kuenning, the executive director of the New Hampshire Coalition to End Homelessness. "In a society that puts material goods and wealth above everything else, when you don't have a home, you have nothing."

After "doubling up" with family — a term defined by federal law as homeless — the Watson children have recently settled in a new apartment with their parents. But six months of homelessness has taken an emotional toll, even as they strive to put their situation in perspective.

"I learned to go with the flow, not worry about it and not to ask for anything," Yvonne said. 

She's only 12, but Yvonne, whose mother describes her as a gifted writer, speaks like an adult. 

And, she admits later, she does worry, but prefers not to let other people know.

How the emotional stress of being homeless manifests can vary greatly depending on the personality of the child and other factors associated with homelessness, such as a parent struggling with addiction or disease.

"A real common denominator for these kids is they sort of have an overall feeling of being displaced. It's difficult for them to find routine," said Raymond Pillsbury, a guidance counselor at Rochester Middle School who often works with homeless students.

When a student becomes homeless, Pillsbury said, he often sees students coming to school more tired, antsy and having a difficult time focusing.

While some students act out, others become more withdrawn, he said. Homeless children also often tend to harbor anger, he said, because it is difficult for them to understand why it happened to them. 

Even the Watson children, who are quick to defend their parents when talking about why they are homeless, said they can't help but get angry sometimes as they grasp for an outlet for their frustration.

"Sometimes, and I always take it back, but sometimes I blame God for what happened to us. When I pray at night, sometimes I say 'Why did you do this to us, why did you have this happen?'" Yvonne said. "But then I always feel guilty."

One of the biggest factors that can influence how a child is affected by homelessness is the age of the child, several guidance counselors said.

For middle school students, social status becomes key to how children view themselves, and where a child falls on the social scale is often determined by what they own.

"This is a social hurricane here," said Jim Babcock, a guidance counselor at Laconia Middle School. "This is the time in their lives when kids are starting to develop an identity. It's a time when they are starting to recognize that they are somebody. They are trying to figure out who they are, and it's a tough job."

He gave the example of a recent day when he was standing in front of three eighth-grade girls who all had T-shirts emblazoned with name brand logos, and he knew in that school there were also children who are forced to come to school in sweat pants or the same clothes they have worn for a week.

When Lewis' parents felt guilty after hearing he was being teased about his clothes by classmates who found out he was homeless, they scraped together some money and bought him a pair of Nike shoes. 

"But they all say things like 'What, did you get those at Goodwill?'" Lewis said. 

"Emotionally, what it does is it makes them feel like lesser people," Babcock said. "They aren't stupid. They realize they are getting free lunch when they have to give the lunch lady a number instead of money and the kid behind them has money."

Lewis and Yvonne said they have only told their closest friends about being homeless, and even that can be difficult. 

"Sometimes I can't get the words out," Lewis said. 

Yvonne said she first tested her friends by telling them other secrets first, such as who she "liked." When she felt she had their trust, she opened up. 

And most of the time her friends were understanding, she said. But in the process, one of her former best friends became her "enemy" when she began teasing Yvonne about her clothes.

For younger students, the social stigma of homelessness is not as prevalent, so the emotional effect of homeless usually tends to come from sadness from losing their bed, toys or pets as they have had to leave their home, said Liz Norris, a guidance counselor at Woodman Park School in Dover.

"Change is hard for anybody. You are losing something that was really important to you," Norris said. 

Holly O'Shea, a guidance counselor at Woodland Heights Elementary School in Laconia, said the emotional effects of homelessness can manifest differently. For elementary school kids, O'Shea said she often sees "friendship issues" as the stress creates conflict among friends. 

The younger students often have a hard time coping with day-to-day activities.

"They may cry over nothing," O'Shea said. "I think that's a real typical response."

At the elementary level, Norris said, swift intervention is key to a child's success. 

"We try to stabilize things for them so they aren't as stressed," she said.

Norris said while older children can usually pick up on the magnitude of their family's economic situation, younger kids are often more concerned about the day-to-day inconveniences of being homeless, like not having the same snacks as their classmates.

Norris keeps a bin of snacks in her office for children who are in need, and the school works to help homeless students get new backpacks and sneakers, among other things.

As the homeless population grows, guidance counselors are required to play a more varied role, from providing snacks to providing what is typically the only mental health care the children receive. 

While New Hampshire Healthy Kids provides medical care for children, it does not cover mental health, and Babcock, at Laconia Middle School, said the role often falls on school counselors.

"There's an awful lot of knee jerk therapy," Babcock said.

Despite their struggles, the Watson children seem able to preserve their own self-worth throughout their ordeal. But they still want others to better understand that homelessness is not tied to their value as friends and students.

"It's not our fault this happened, and it's not our parents' either," Yvonne said. "We're not a failure in life."